In the course of our lives, we all owe something to someone. There are always some positive influences that enhance our state of being. This may make us wholeheartedly thankful. It also may make us feel that we are carrying 'the burden of gratitude.'
People don't show us their inner reality. They may not even know it themselves. Because we only see the public persona of others, we shouldn't be quick to suspect their motives. However, if we think they have an agenda other than giving us happiness, we have a right to feel resentful.
We can also feel two or more emotions at once. These are well termed 'mixed feelings'. We can be really thankful while also feeling imposed upon or even violated. In that case, we may wish the whole experience had never happened.
Refusing a favor or gift may not be so easy. Children are especially vulnerable because they are dependent. If a parent gives - as parents are expected to do - but expects extravagant gratefulness, greater obedience, or some other behavior modification in return, it strains the relationship. Children are sensitive to what they see as injustice or manipulation.
If a coworker does you a favor and then expects something in return, you may wish the whole thing had never happened. Sometimes a person is really trying to put you under an obligation rather than doing you a good turn. If they expect some kind of collusion from you that you feel is unprofessional or even dishonest, it can be a real problem. You will have to choose who you will be loyal to, your 'friend' or your employer.
Trying to keep things on an even keel at home or work may make you feel you have to grin and bear it. It's not surprising that you might be resentful, even if you can't show it. If you can understand where the other person is coming from, you will have a better chance at making the best response.
In cases like this, we may not even feel grateful. However, the real question is how to deal with a situation. We can control our own reactions if we are mature, free, and able to reason things out. The debt may spur us to actions that benefit the other party. As long as we can do this honestly, this is a good thing. Many people take such an obligation as an incentive to visit more often, remember to give credit where credit is due, to pray for others, or to 'pay it forward'.
If, after consideration, we really decide the burden is too heavy, we have to change the equation. This may mean moving out of a parent's home or sphere of influence. It may require a transfer at work or letting a person with unmet expectations know that we won't play along. Ignoring the whole thing and hoping it goes away might work or it might just let things escalate.
People don't show us their inner reality. They may not even know it themselves. Because we only see the public persona of others, we shouldn't be quick to suspect their motives. However, if we think they have an agenda other than giving us happiness, we have a right to feel resentful.
We can also feel two or more emotions at once. These are well termed 'mixed feelings'. We can be really thankful while also feeling imposed upon or even violated. In that case, we may wish the whole experience had never happened.
Refusing a favor or gift may not be so easy. Children are especially vulnerable because they are dependent. If a parent gives - as parents are expected to do - but expects extravagant gratefulness, greater obedience, or some other behavior modification in return, it strains the relationship. Children are sensitive to what they see as injustice or manipulation.
If a coworker does you a favor and then expects something in return, you may wish the whole thing had never happened. Sometimes a person is really trying to put you under an obligation rather than doing you a good turn. If they expect some kind of collusion from you that you feel is unprofessional or even dishonest, it can be a real problem. You will have to choose who you will be loyal to, your 'friend' or your employer.
Trying to keep things on an even keel at home or work may make you feel you have to grin and bear it. It's not surprising that you might be resentful, even if you can't show it. If you can understand where the other person is coming from, you will have a better chance at making the best response.
In cases like this, we may not even feel grateful. However, the real question is how to deal with a situation. We can control our own reactions if we are mature, free, and able to reason things out. The debt may spur us to actions that benefit the other party. As long as we can do this honestly, this is a good thing. Many people take such an obligation as an incentive to visit more often, remember to give credit where credit is due, to pray for others, or to 'pay it forward'.
If, after consideration, we really decide the burden is too heavy, we have to change the equation. This may mean moving out of a parent's home or sphere of influence. It may require a transfer at work or letting a person with unmet expectations know that we won't play along. Ignoring the whole thing and hoping it goes away might work or it might just let things escalate.
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